What is it about truth that the world fears so much? Why is it normal to lie to those we love? Gossip, lies and secrets have become a part of the relationships we have. 

Some secrets may be best kept as that.

For example, if your are in a fresh relationship, seeking information about exes is very unnecessary and has no place in your future as a couple unless if the ex is still in your close circle. I remember playing a silly game with an ex of mine where we mentioned people we’ve slept with (I know right), it didn’t sit well with the both of us. All that did was create unnecessary, insecure and uncomfortable moments for the both of us. Never play that game. 

Of course there are times secrets are kept because we feel a need to consider someone else’s feelings, but it does not necessarily mean they are easy to keep.

And then there are times we find people that we can confide in and that turns into gossip.

I used to gossip with my ex and I don’t know what it was about it that created a special moment between us. We gossip a lot as a people and we fail to see the wrong in it because the society we live in has normalised it.

I might be hunted down for revealing this secret to you but…

There is a brotherhood “secret” code that represents a misled mindset that men indulge in.

I know the ladies do it too but I’m talking about a friend underlying written rule that endorses cheating on my girlfriend in the presence of my boys. It’s a trade affair because I too have to stay out of it when they cheated on their partners.

In no way am I saying that I should’ve told their girlfriends or they should’ve told mine but as friends who claim to love and care for one another, should we not have our best interests at heart?

If that’s the woman I love and have children with or have future plans with, is that not a time for my friend to step in and try correct my behaviour? Should I not sit him down and warn him about this behaviour that could jeopardise his relationship or even future? Some glorified codes just don’t make sense and work against our best interest and society has made it easier to say “not my problem” when you see your friends going down a dangerous road.

Keeping secrets of my infidelity always made me feel unworthy of the relationship. It made me feel like she deserved better. Whenever the guilt weighed heavily on me, I’d find peace in her not knowing. The guilt would go away FOR NOW but never disappeared because it would find its way back when I was alone or staring at her. The irony about the moments of the guilt creeping back is that those are the moments I decide to appreciate her. Toxic in its own right.

I disagree with secrets because they create a bondage that doesn’t allow you to share your whole person with someone else. I honestly believe that being open and truthful is where the strength of any relationship lies. All that I tried to hide in the dark, found its way into the light, so I try and walk in truth as much as possible.

As men, we fail to see the impact and wrong in keeping secrets because the society we live in has normalised it. I challenge you today, to live an open and truthful life… engage your bravery.

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