Frankly I am shocked that this is a conversation that we are having after all the work we as women have done to be self-loving, self-encouraging and self-validating. But the reason Ayesha Curry has been trending has spurred a social debate that reflects just how far we have or have not come as women.


Jada Pinkett-Smith, famous in her own right and married to black excellence royalty, Will Smith, went ahead of the curve a few years ago and started a Round-Table Talk show on Facebook where she invites a spectrum of women in the spotlight to have deep meaningful conversations about everything from career to family to infamous scandals like the Jordan Wood/Khloe Kardashian saga. Her episodes are attention grabbing, and it was no different this week when she invited the women that make up the NBA royal family: The Currys.

Because media is media, (social included) a soundbite of Ayesha, wife of Steph Curry started trending. Ayesha was complaining about not receiving male attention for the last 10 years while her NBA Basketball-star husband gets showered with female attention at every turn. She opened up about how insecure she felt about that and wondered if there was something wrong with her that repelled men.

Backlash was immediate; women bashing (calling her a PickMe), women relating, men bashing and surprisingly some men related to her issues. But most notably was a comment by well-known social media relationship coach Derrick Jaxn who chimed in and gave us his two cents about this insecurity. Watch it below:

By Derrick’s logic, Ayesha’s insecurity stems in the female’s long history of finding value in how appealing they are for the opposite sex. Whether it be instilled in her beauty, her career or her mothering capabilities- women were trained that everything they do needs to appeal to a man otherwise it’s worthless.

Derrick’s second point, which inspired this post, was that we as women continue to complain about need finding the right kind of guy, here is one woman who found the perfect man, he is a millionaire, he takes care of her, he is faithful, and still she complains and desires male attention. This thought terrified me. And not for the reasons you think.

My scary question is one with two hypocritical points and yet live together: Men find perfect women all the time yet still manage to cheat- when do we start treating that phenomenon as an insecurity too? with compassion and the aim to rehabilitate. And while we at it, we do we have to call a woman insecure for wanting men to find her sexy?

I personally think flirtation is a healthy hormone to keep one’s ego confident, secure and anxiety free. So yes, I get where Ayesha is coming from, it’s not about cheating or seeking out male attention, but rather self-assurance. But thats just me.

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