I have always felt that dating for people that weight (less than mine) significantly might be easier. And although my friends tell me they are having a worse time than I’m having in the dating scene. In their opinion, my winning personality (that only they seem to see) should be scoring me dates all over Lagos. Unfortunately, its crickets after a few dates.
Let me start with blind dates. Whenever my friends want to set me up on blind dates, I tell them to just send the person my photo so that the person is saved from pressing phone all through the date just because he is too polite to walk away. But then, I have actually been on blind dates where the other person has cut me short and said: “I didn’t know you were this big, I mean, you don’t look this big in your photos”. When I think back, I wish I had given her this reply: “I’m not a whale darling, I could pass through the door. I’m not gasping for breath as we speak, so this emphasis on how BIG I am is quite funny. I haven’t mentioned that your legs are a bit ashy and your heels are hanging over your high heels or that you aren’t as put together as you are in your photos…but hey the fat guy probably shouldn’t say anything, because the pretty lady is doing him a favor by going on a date with him.”
I have recently discovered ta huge disparity between my friends trying to set me up and them trying set up our non-fat friends up. With me they always have to disclose my weight or skirt around the issue a bit. They start with questions like : “do you like big guys?” “But he’s not that big, he’s a little chubby like teddy bear chubby, don’t worry just meet him you will see”. Other times they just tell the person straight out “don’t be rude when you see him. If he’s not your type physically, trust me he makes up for it with banter.” I have started to feel sorry for them a bit because it seems like a daunting process for them, trying to find a girl that won’t mind my weight or one who doesn’t seem to care about it at all.
Sometimes in the process of dating, I have learned some suprising details. Color me dumb, but I didn’t know until recently that dating a big guy is now considered a fetish. Some people date only big boys and that’s apparently their thing. And there’s no judgment here, but being with someone that is constantly in awe of how thick your legs are, gushes on how much she’s in love with your love handles, and constantly calls you “big man” or “my large teddy bear”, can get old really fast. It might be cute to some people but in my head the fact that someone is only attracted to me because I am carrying ‘extra load’, not because I’m smart or funny is a bit repulsive.
The tips from the dates I’ve been on or even conversations I have had are literally the best. They could keep entertained for years and there wouldn’t be a dull moment. I have gotten everything from “you are a funny guy but if you lost weight, you would have been married by now”, to “have you considered going to the gym before? I feel like you would be more handsome if you go the gym more”. Well, Aunty, I wasn’t aware they were giving out how-to-be-handsome-with-help-from-the-gym. I promise I’ll stop by there and try to be handsome just for you.
Dating a big person should not be seen as a favor, or something to tick of your trash charity list. You should never make it seem like the other person could be better just because you consider yourself thinner. I have heard situations of guys hitting on big girls just because their skinny friends said it would make them feel better or even the trash guy that tells the big lady “you should be happy I’m even talking to you, you do know no one is ever going to hit on you.”
Really, dating shouldn’t be as hard as it is for the plus-size.
Image Source: TheCurvyFashionista