What do men want? In particular, what is it they want from women? Any girl who is heterosexual has probably asked the question at some point. There is the idea that men are the only ones who have to deal with confusion when it comes to the opposite sex, but actually, it is vice versa. Men and women struggle sometimes to understand one other Male-female dynamics are quite complicated when you consider all that is in between social status, expectations, emotions and ego.

The general idea is that women are the emotional ones and they are full of conflicting, irrational desires and they are very hard to understand, while men are not emotional rather they have massive egos and are full of masculinity and strength.

Contrary to this belief though, both men and women are basically the same. A 2005 analysis of 46 meta-analyses that were conducted during the last two decades of the 20th century shows that men and women are basically alike in terms of personality, cognitive ability and leadership. This implies that while women have motions, men do too; and more, while men have egos, women do as well.

Susan Price, M.S.W. in her book The Female Ego, explained that for women, positive strokes would come through affection, intimacy, personal compliments, tough and the words “I love you”. While for men, the male ego is developed differently. It is affected by their status as heir and name bearer in the family, with boys getting more family attention. Generally, because the expectations in a boy’s life are greater, he learns aggression through sports, gets strokes for things he does, gets different chores than girls, and his ego naturally assumes a superior position.

In all truth men, men tend to be more egotistical than their female counterparts.  This is because their kind of ego is different…almost more boisterous, and while you should never try to hurt a woman emotionally, you should also not mess around with a man’s ego. A man will sooner let his ego control his emotions than allow his heart control it, especially if his ego has been bruised. If you hurt his self-worth and make him feel inadequate, he’ll easily let go of you than stay and feel hurt or bad about himself.

Of course, this does not mean that the male ego is something to be despised. There is the impression that a man’s ego is usually his worst fault and would most usually lead to his downfall….but it is not so. There two kinds of ego that men have: The first and most popular which is the “Big Ego”, and the types every man think they have The “Strong Ego”

A man with has a big ego is the one whose ego stems from insecurities. He constantly needs to feed his self-worth to keep himself built up, and it doesn’t matter how he does it: he will never let you win an argument, as his opinion will always come first; He has a huge sense of entitlement and defines himself through material items or brag about his accomplishments; he will put people down to make himself feel better; he takes credit for other people’s work, or refuse to give acknowledgement to other when they help, and he won’t hesitate to play the victim to get what he wants. He is the type you want to be wary of because he will be operating with a false sense of self that makes him unstable. On the other hand, a man with a Strong Ego is confident, self-assured and able to deal with stressful situations.

In Africa, it’s not a secret that culture and patriarchy have ensured that larger number of men have a Big Ego as opposed Strong Ego. A number of women do not recognize the difference between these egos either until it is late as at first, The Big Ego may present itself as something that is attractive. It may come off as confident, assertive, and strong-willed, but down the line, you realize the ego is only there to serve itself and therefore, will ruin your relationship. Your partner is more likely to react with anger or frustration even if it means taking it out on you to validate his sense of importance. Instead of saying how they feel, they will pout and creep around the issue or just sulk over it and settle for making passive aggressive comments.

Any woman who’s ever been in a relationship knows that while women have their moments, it’s the men who need the special care and attention. You have to know how to handle him before his ego leads him to go “hormonal” on you. The wrong look, the wrong word or the wrong silence is enough to make them insecure and paranoid. You must learn how to appease him, yet also give him the positive reinforcement he needs to feel safe and secure with you.  Basically, you must find the right balance between praise and discipline. Because while men may try to act macho, and be the man in the relationship, they’re really just waiting for the right woman to tell them it’s OK not to be. What men want, deep down, is not unlimited promiscuous sex but something rather different – someone to feed their fragile ego.

Do you agree or no?

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