Till Death Do Us Part: Maintaining a Stable Marriage

The taste of every dish depends greatly on how it is prepared. One can have all the required ingredients, but its gradual and accurate application brings out the desired taste. In some ways marriage is much the same; there are factors (or ingredients) needed to make your marriage stable, and proper application of those factors are what will help sustain your marriage.

MATURITY: Marriage should be contracted through careful planning. Before a man weds his wife, both of them must have some level of maturity, both emotionally and financially. Maturity often develops insight and foresight in a person, allowing them to avoid problems where possible and deal with them effectively where necessary. This quality also allows both partners to be accommodating to the feelings, and even weaknesses, of others. Tolerance, mutual respect, compromise and cooperation are characteristics of a mature marriage partner. A couple should also cultivate a genuine desire to share with each other their thoughts, failures and possessions. Full disclosure in this way is not easy for some but it works wonders for the strength of the relationship.

PERSONALITY TRAITS: The effects of personality trait on the success of a family are so important that they deserve special consideration. The harmonising personality trait of the family member, especially the marriage partners is crucial for marriage’s stability. The husband and wife are two distinct personalities. Their different parental and childhood experiences impact on their differing values. It sometimes happens that a man with some outstanding personality traits may marry a wife with some opposite personality traits that compliments each other. For instance the husband may be an extrovert and the wife is an introvert, and if the man is a talkative and the wife is a good listener. It is very possible to have less conflict in the family when compared to other couples in which both husband and wife possess less desirable personality attributes. However this is not to say that different personalities will dissolve a marriage. Get to know your spouse’s true personality, both the positive and the negative. Adjust your own view and work in harmony with them. As the both of you try to do so, the more chances of success the marriage will have.

LOVE: For a stable family, there must be that feeling of love and affection; the couple must experience feelings of being wanted and a sense of belonging, care and security from each other. It is mainly where no love within the family is that the husband or wife goes outside to seek for it. Both husband and wife will find a way to tolerate each others flaws, even in times of crisis.

COMMUNICATION: Lack of adequate and effective communication between couples can lead to familial instability. Couples who don’t communicate regularly on what they want from their partners often disagree, causing frustration and at times leading to infidelity. Marital happiness involves a pure and unreserved expression of feelings, both discomfort and comfort, satisfaction and dissatisfaction, joy and sadness, sympathy. Frank discussions without pretence between couples goes a long way to stabilize marriages.

SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY: Love between married couples is more deeper than mere words, it involves sex. We may cringe at the word but sex is the physical expression of love. The ability of couples to establish a satisfying sexual relationship contributes to the happiness and the presence of love in the family.

PRESENCE OF IN-LAWS: The regular visit of parents to the couple’s home can either be a blessing or a curse to the marriage. Most times the problems in a marriage happens to start from the in-laws, this is not healthy for the growth and development of a marriage. Tackling in-law’s problem involves tact and discretion so that it will not affect the marriage negatively.

RESOLVING ISSUES WITHOUT A THIRD PARTY: Couples must learn to resolve whatever differences they have without resorting to friends or family members whose intentions towards your marriage might not be so clear. Talking about problems with each other until a solution is found rather than looking outside the family for advice indicates a sense of unity in the marriage. Only when both partners agree that the advice of someone else could be beneficial should a third party be included.

Take a step back couples, evaluate your marriages and actively work to improve the quality of your marriage.

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Author: Mike Andrews

Amongst many other things, Mike Andrews is the publisher of True Talk magazine as well as a writer, life coach and marriage consultant. Find him on  Instagram, Twitter, Facebook

(Image by Atlanta Black Star)